1. Values Don’t Align
Sanaa Lathan’s character reveals that she wants to be married with kids. Morris Chestnut’s character is not interested at all. Lathan’s character laments that she is 36 years-old and has given her beau two years of her life. Whether she thought he change or not, being honest up front on values and priorities helps us avoid wasting time. I have a friend who is a doctor, late 30s, and waiting for her beau to drop to one knee. She wants to get married and have kids. Her BF is in his mid forties and once divorced. He does not want to marry till he gets his career back on the A side. So, she is waiting. Her clock is ticking louder and she is not getting any younger. Truth of the matter, she is not really for sure if he will ever lower to a knee. She has doubt because at the outset of the relationship she did not make sure their values were on one page.
2. Moving Way Too Fast
We notice Micheal Ealy’s character being physical very early in the relationship and Lathan’s character is along for the ride. While it may be a thrill to be in heat and in the moment, moving too fast often causes us to overlook glaring holes, red flags, and character flaws. We make the mistake of letting our bodies doing the talking. In my experience dating, waiting has forced our values to do the talking. You would think Lathan’s character would have learned from her previous relationship and how being physical can cloud one’s judgement. Now she finds herself in another relationship that is moving way too fast and already repeating a pattern of overlooking red flags.
3. Interpreting Signs & Trusting Your Gut
I’m a firm believer that people tell you from the outset what you need to know. The only question is are you listening. I remember an actress once telling me, “I told him I was crazy on the first date.” She went on to say that later in the relationship he was shocked to find out she really was crazy. I was on a first date once and a woman told me that she really doesn’t believe that we are to have only one lover in life, but multiple lovers. That was all I needed to hear to ask for the check. People always tell you what you need to know. Are you listening? And let’s not forget our intuition. I have a friend that met a guy on a dating website and set up a first date. She says from the moment he walked into the coffee shop her gut said this guy is bad news. She didn’t listen to the voice within and suffered badly. Follow your intuition. It is seldom wrong.
4. Bad Advice From Friends
Lathan’s character receives some unwise advice from a girlfriend when she reveals her new beau snapped in the parking lot. Her girlfriend gives a total stranger benefit of the doubt and excuses a major red flag. This is why it is important to be very careful with who you get relationship advice from. I have friends who ask relationship advice from friends who are chronically single. Why are you asking somebody for advice who can’t hold down a relationship for more than six months? Many of our friends have good intentions but bad advice. I only ask my married friends for relationship advice. I only ask my successful friends for career advice. There is no in between.