BEWARE OF THE DATEBOMB
A ‘datebomb’ is defined as a shocking piece of information shared that ruins an otherwise good date. I was on a first date once and the girl told me she prints out pictures of men she is pursuing and puts them in a frame on her desk. She also suggested that she is crazy. I’ve heard of countless other dates where men and women have confessed to something that should’ve been kept in the drawer to much later in the dating process. Whether there is a God, what side of the aisle you’re on, pro-life or pro-choice, prescriptions to medications, criminal records — the first date is a “get to know you” date. You are feeling each other out and seeing if there is a possibility for another time together. In the movie Knock Knock, the two party girls pursuing Keanu Reeves’ character drop several datebombs. They go as far as to talk about sex without boundaries. Why on earth are you talking about sex with somebody you just met? Unless you deem this elevator talk, it should be a major red flag and the last date.
KNOW WHEN TO SAY ‘NO’
There are several moments in the movie when Reeves’ character didn’t trust his gut. There was the moment when he opened the door and allowed two strangers in his home. There was the moment when the girls are making advances with a married man and becoming touchy feely. There is moment when the girls ask to take off their clothes and have them cycled through the dyer. In this dating world, we must trust our gut and know when to say ‘no’. There simply is no room to be Mr. Nice Guy or Gal. We must know in advance what line will not be crossed and speak up when it does. There is a reason why they say “nice guys finish last”. It goes for women as well. All the moments mentioned above, Reeves’ character should have said stop. Hard stop. We all make mistakes like inviting somebody in to our space that shouldn’t be in our space, but we still have the power to remove ourselves from the situation. I had a friend once who met a guy at a coffee shop for a first date. She said when he walked through the door she felt a chill run through her body. She didn’t trust her gut or heed her intuition. The guy would eventually turn her life upside down.
THE CHIMERA OF FALSE CONFIDENCE
Reeves’ character jokes to the girls that “I’m sure I can take the both of you”. It is this false confidence or mask that many of us have experienced on first dates. My aim on a first date is to start the process of peeling back the mask layer by layer. I want to understand our values better and see if they might align. I want ideally want to work through that false confidence that we both have. It is a false confidence that suggests I am perfectly sane, slow to anger, well-balanced, super supportive, and have absolutely no baggage. There is no perfect person. To date is to grow. Most importantly, the dangers of false confidence is both not trusting your gut and not drawing impregnable lines. When we are making these mistakes, like Reeve’s character, we quickly find ourselves a stranger in our own home.